Liar, liar....

This weekend, I was standing in front of the mirror trying to decide which, out of a plethora of my very best dresses, would be the best to wear to the upmarket restaurant I was going to be gracing that night.
After a good twenty minutes of getting nowhere, I enlisted the help of my laid-back boyfriend for a man’s opinion.
“Wear that nice black and white one,” he suggested. “You look great in that.”
“What about this one?” I said, pulling out one of my favourite dresses – a slinky burnt orange number which I totally love because it’s great at making me look a good few pounds lighter than I actually am. Score!
“To tell you the truth,” said my lovely boyfriend. “I’ve not told you this before, but I’ve never actually liked that dress.”
Well, he had barely got the words out before he was avalanched with a tirade of my apoplectic rage, accusations and various four letter words.
How could he be so mean? How could he dislike my lovely little dress? I had been walking around thinking I looked sensational when apparently; all my boyfriend could see was some kind of orange apparition.
“I’m just being honest,” he protested, wide-eyed. “I love most of your clothes, but I’m just not keen on that dress.”
After I had calmed down and put away the hairdryer that I was about to throw, it got me thinking about honesty in relationships. Women claim that they just want honesty from their other halves, but when it’s the kind of honesty they don’t want to hear – well, the gloves come off.
Which is why I was extremely amused to read Mavis Cheek’s article in today’s Daily Mail, entitled: “Why lying is good for you: Even tiny fibs harm relationships according to the new radical honesty movement.”
Apparently, some psychiatrist/guru named Brad Blanton, (who for some reason, makes me envisage a character from that old TV show Malibu) a pioneer of this honesty movement, says that we can only transform our lives for the better by being completely honest. That means that even telling the littlest of white lies, can be potentially detrimental to our relationships.
But, let’s be honest – how easy is it lie in our day to day lives? The answer? Very!

“No thanks, I’ve just got some brand new windows,” to the persistent double glazing salesman on the phone. Or “I think your hair is totally innovative and looks fantastic,” to your friend who has just got her hair chopped, spiked and dyed electric blue.

So is the latter type of fib more acceptable because we know if we said what we really thought, we would be offending the other person? In other words, we’re lying to protect their feelings, because who wants to be told they look a big blue ridiculous mess??

Mavis Cheek says in her article that these so called ‘comforting lies’ are a woman’s ‘social cement’ in a cruel modern world, which to an extent I agree with, but Brad Blanton’s ‘Radical Honesty’ resonates with me far more. What is the point of a relationship if you cannot be totally honest with each other? As Blanton says, ‘It's the kind of authentic sharing that creates the possibility of love and intimacy.’

“No you can’t read a map and you cannot sing to save your life but I love you anyway,” is to me, worth much more than, “You have the most amazing voice I’ve ever heard – Mariah should be quaking in her boots,” whilst secretly thinking: ‘I’ve never heard anything more terrible in my life.’ Because the former is HONEST.

So, I won’t lie and say that next time my boyfriend gives me a harsh dose of his brutally honest opinion, I’ll embrace it with sing-song gratitude. I’ll no doubt kick off and stew in my own anger for a few minutes. But at the end of the day, it’s honesty, and that’s all I can ask for.